Nourishing Passions

Silence

Psalm 77 2 NourishingPassions

Why this Darkness? Why this haze?
About which I’m to live my days?
It seems to me a troubling lot
That you have placed me in this spot.
Of such despair and loneliness
Confusion, grief and emptiness
When all I’d wanted I confess
Was you alone, my God to bless.

I remember early on
you’d whisper to me all day long.
The hearing of your voice so sweet
The knowledge of your love so deep
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t give
That all my days, to you, to live
For all my heart and souls desire’s
To be made new, refined by fire.

I once had prayed you’d take me through
Whatever’d lead me close to you
You heard, I thought, then questioned why
All trace of you seemed gone awry.
You lifted up your hand of grace
And of your love, I felt no trace.
It seemed you had abandoned me,
And to your word I sought to flee.
The truth that once had pierced my soul,
Confusion blocked, distraction’s toll.
And now it seems you’ve lifted up
Your hand of grace and its sweet cup.

Nightmares, pain and scorching lies
That plague my thoughts amidst my cries.
Answered not my anyone,
But silence even from the Son.
The Jesus I had thought I knew,
Spared not all these as I grew
In weakness and humility
And of the sin stored up in me.

I prayed, I longed, I asked him why
Must I go on with no reply ”
He answers not, yet still I try
To figure out why I’m so dry
Dead and lifeless though I feel,
A part of me knows He’s still real.
Glimpses of amazing grace
Upon my friends, upon their face.

Now I have lain down all my need
To know the mysteries you decreed
To bring about some fruitfulness
Within my life, that I might bless.
The soul of Him to whom I live
And to his glory hope to give.

My prayer is not, O Lord, why this?
And tell me please what did I miss?
Instead it is, O Lord, your face
Which I will seek but by your grace
With every moment of my life
Regardless of my daily strife.

My feelings are but fickle things
To which my soul so naturally clings.
The horrid silence I perceive
May well be devils who deceive
Me into thinking that I’ve failed
Discipleship and not prevailed.

Regardless of distorted thought,
I hope to say, my life I’ve fought
For Jesus who is worth it call
And at who’s feet I’ll daily fall.
I know not when, I know not how,
But someday every knee will bow
To You upon Your glorious throne
By truth and justice which you own.

It matters not what I would feel,
But just to know that you are real
Would satisfy my heart’s delight
And make it all so worth the fight.

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2 Thoughts on “Silence

  1. Patrick Hodge on May 4, 2014 at 12:20 am said:

    Beth,
    I came across your website totally by accident. I was searching for information on southern Illinois organic farming when the Rendleman name appeared. My father is from southern Illinois and has Rendleman roots though our family moved to northern Illinois many years ago before I was born. When I searched the specific name of the Rendleman connected to organic farming, the first result that appeared was of an article from your website on that person. Just being curious, I clicked to get on your homepage. I looked up some of the items such as About Me, Random Thoughts, Resolutions, and My Journey. You have a fantastic website just from those items that I read. It seems that you are trying to do some wonderful things with your life- educating people on healthy living and dedicating your life to Jesus. Your testimony in the My Journey section was very touching. Just before I was going to log off the internet, my eye just happened to catch your most recent post, Silence. Upon reading it, I would surmise that you may be going through some tough times at the moment. Not knowing your specific situation, I just wanted to let you know that there will be someone out here praying for you. Praying that you will soon hear God’s voice whether aloud or in the silence- that you will feel His healing presence be it a physical or spiritual healing you need. Praying that you remember that you are not alone. I think most Christians have felt this way at one time or another as we go through this imperfect world of ours. Feelings that we’re not doing enough or being fruitful. I think that from just what I’ve seen of your website, that it is a very fruitful ministry. It’s reminded me that I need to do a better job in my eating habits. And it’s also reminded me that there are many Christians like yourself who are out there trying their best to make a difference in people’s lives and worshiping God not only in words, but through their actions. God bless you.
    Patrick

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